Published in The Wareham Observer, February 11, 2009;
The Bourne Enterprise, February 12, 2009
Momma’s Journal: Wishes Worth Cherishing
Since my daughters were in preschool, come the beginning of February and we're on a mission to find the latest and greatest valentine cards on the market. With daughters in the 5th and 7th grades, I’m sad to say that we may have bought our last box of valentines. Once kids reach middle school, traditional valentine cards are not usually shared with classmates. Preteens are way above signing their names to cute little papers telling their teachers that they’re special or their friends that they’re awesome.
My oldest daughter is 13. Many parents of 13 year olds will join me in counting the ways our cherubs express their heart for Valentine’s Day. “Why would anyone give cards to their whole class - saying dumb things - unless they’re totally, like seriously, going out with someone special for a long time. That's gay.”
In unison, we parents ask:
“Going out – where/when/how?
Seriously – how serious?
Someone – name please…
Long time – since when?
Special – please tell me more?
Gay - Who?"
But for fun, let’s keep it simple. Let’s go back to the 5th grade, back to being 10 or 11 years old, when celebrating just about everything is still cool. Having celebrated many Valentine’s Days, I’m somewhat of an expert of how to commemorate the day. It’s all about telling those that mean something to you just how special they really are.
Jackie’s 5th grade class at Bourne Middle School is doing just that. Instead of trading valentine cards, they were asked to inscribe something about each of their classmates. The rule was to write descriptive sentences about each student, using positive, expressive, and colorful words. In a party like atmosphere, with red heart shaped goodies and all, the dedications were distributed and the kids decorated and laminated their poster boards.
Jackie can’t wait to frame her words of sentiment from her classmates: “witty, athletic, creative, nice, generous, dependable, and artistic.”
And Liz, my 13ear old daughter, still has her keepsake poster hanging in her bedroom. I guess being thought of as “kind, considerate, funny, polite, hard working, smart, friendly, and a good singer” has special meaning to teenaged kids too.
I can’t think of a better way for our children to give praise – perhaps even confidence or encouragement - to their peers. A special thanks goes out to 5th-grade Bourne Middle School teachers and staff for encouraging our kids to pay tribute to their classmates through both mind and spirit. OXOX
My hope is that Valentine messages posted on the Internet or sent as emails or texts are just as precious and endearing. I know I’ll be on the lookout….
And about Valentine’s Day next year? Perhaps I’ll be at WalMart stocking up on heart shaped chocolates, poster paper, and glue. Who knows? Some habits are worth keeping.
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach chronicles the ‘chaotic joys’ of life. Find her book, “Enchanted Whispers” Wit & Wisdom from the Mouths of Babes (and Momma too)” online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Publilshed in The Bourne Enterprise, December 31, 2009
Published in The Wareham Observer, December 30, 2009
Momma’s Journal: Every Day is a New Day
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
~Oprah Winfrey
The pressure is on. In a matter of hours, many of us will do and say things we may regret for the next 365 days. There’s something about the strike of midnight on New Year’s Eve that makes us blurt out resolutions to change the impossible.
We’ve all made New Year’s resolutions, some more outrageous than others. Some considered wholeheartedly, but are they achievable? Probably not. Not in this lifetime anyway.
And yet, the older I get, the bigger the resolutions regarding becoming a healthier, wealthier, happier, smarter, me:
“I will lose twenty pounds (before the crocuses bloom).
I will get a great paying job and pay off every bill I owe (by the end of January).
I will be a better person. I will volunteer and give to the needy (starting tomorrow).
I will exercise for 3 hours every morning. I will run the Boston Marathon (this April).
I will hug my loved ones (more) and spend oodles of quality time with all of them (every spare moment).
Instead of emailing friends, we’ll meet for lunch or dinner (while the kids are at school or their sporting events).
I will read two Best Seller’s (every week).
I won’t work too much or play too little.
I won’t play too much or work too little.
I won’t work and play at the same time (not too often anyway).
I will not overeat (ever) and I will never have too much to drink.
I will, I won’t, I will not, I will never…..”
Blah, blah, blah!!
And about the resolutions many of us are contemplating to make in a matter of hours – they’re probably unattainable - just like those made in years past. Talk about starting a new year off on the wrong foot! It’s like stepping into a ditch of muck instead of climbing a decorated staircase. How about greeting New Year’s Day with a fresh approach? “Good morning 2010!”
Is it obvious that making New Year’s resolutions is not at the top of my list of favorite things? Yearly resolutions are far too big a feat, too big a disappointment should we fall off the resolutions train.
This year, I resolve to take smaller steps to becoming a better me; to make realistic weekly goals and hold myself accountable for achieving them.
“I resolve to live each day to the fullest; to be the best that I can be, and to have a damn good time doing it.”
Those are some big resolutions, so for simplicity’s sake, I opt for accomplishing smaller goals related to what’s on my 2010 agenda - personal growth, family, health, friendships and finances.
Heck, prioritizing goals is second nature. It’s the only way busy parents get through their journey of to do’s. Starting this very minute, I encourage all of us to chart short term goals. Just be sure to add “me” that all important list.
And most importantly, make sure “me” has a check mark next to it at the end of the week.
“Clink, Clink” to tomorrow; to a brand new day.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach chronicles the chaotic joys of life. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, December 16, 2009
Published in The Wareham Observer, December 4, 2009
Momma's Journal: For the Love of Email
When I log onto my computer and hear “you’ve got mail”, I get excited. Prior to the thousands of Black Friday and Cyber Monday internet specials, my inbox was filled with promotions from Kohl’s, Target, Amazon, Hewlett Packard, Dell Computer, Kodak, Justice, Fashion Bug, Olympia Sport, and Hot Topic. I still receive email sales announcements from Carters and OshKosh B’Gosh even though my kids outgrew their sizes and styles some years back. But you never know. Someone near and dear may ‘need’ to know about their toddler sized specials.
And then there’s coupons. Shaws and Stop and Shop are anxious to see which store I frequent. Ocean State Job Lot is smart to put their internet coupon items in a common place in the middle of the store, making it easy for us coupon cutters to find their cyberspace specials.
B.J’s is not quite as aggressive; they prefer leaving paper love notes in my metal mailbox. But thank you, B.J.’s, for accepting all those coupons from SmartSource and CoolSavings websites that faithfully appear in my inbox every week.
Amazon, Borders, and Barnes and Noble - they adore me. They tell me so every day with offerings of special deals, today only sales. Does everyone get this much attention or am I really that special?
Then there’s newspapers. Headlines from two Boston newspapers, as well those from a few local papers, miraculously appear in my mailbox most every day. I would be the most informed person on the block if I were to read all of them, page for page. I would also be a hermit.
For my love of food, my computer’s inbox has plenty of recipes to peruse, from healthy ways to start the day to how to sweeten up your loved ones. Let me count the ways that Pastene, Barilla, Kraft, Yoplait, Land O Lakes, General Mills, and Knors entice me to stay in the kitchen for hours on end. With their help, and lots of work on my part, I can feed my family satisfying meals for about $10 a day. (Don’t they know that time is money!)
I have a friend named Oprah. She invites me to join her reading groups and encourages me to share my thoughts about current reads. Heck, she practically serves me coffee in her comfy online den.
Emailing, for business purposes, saves time and money. It’s awesome to work from my home computer, at midnight while in my pajamas if I choose. I can answer questions, send quotes, order supplies, or pay bills whenever it’s convenient. With the click of a button, this article is in the eyes of the newspaper’s Editor. I can send “Ding Dong, Avon Calling” flyers to perspective customers and email myself tomorrow’s to do list, all while chatting on the phone with my sister.
Have you any idea of how many parenting newsletters are in cyberspace? Parenting online, children.orgs, mommy.nets, how to parent.coms, teenage survival guides, Grandma’s secrets to becoming a grand person – they’re out there and many of them end up in my inbox. Which ones do I cherish? Depends on my mood.
And then there’s those insane emails: “forward to 100 people and you’ll receive good fortune in 3 hours”. Why bother?
How about the surprise emails? “A long lost friend wants to be your friend on Facebook.” Depends on my memory of that long lost friend.
Email is a great way to stay in touch with our childrens’ teachers, but I don’t advise telling your children that their teachers – and Dean – are on your buddy list.
Email keeps me connected, grounded, if you will. With such an amazing communication tool, there’s no excuse not to reach out and touch those in your thoughts. Easily. In the weeks to come, I’m sure to receive (and send) many Happy Holiday wishes, jokes, and invites.
Perhaps that’s what I love most about email.
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com or mailto: jmmlana@aol.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, October 31, 2009
Published in The Wareham Observer, October 30, 2009
Notes from Momma’s Journal: It’s Always Something!
The timing of Halloween 2009 stinks. First of all, it falls on a Saturday. That means my daughters will insist upon trick-or-treating longer and later than if the coolest holiday of the year was on a weeknight. Secondly, it falls on the first night of Daylight Savings Time. Great. The time change will give our kids an extra hour to devour more gummy worms and bubble gum.
Oh the fun to be had. I can see it now, trick-or-treating followed by a slumber party, which means I’ll be busy taming a household filled with caramel crazed girls.
Another reason that I’m not overly excited about Halloween this year is because we are in the midst of settling some family issues. Why are parents asked to explain our decisions?
“Yes” means “yes”.
“No” is “no”.
“Maybe” is just that, “a big fat maybe”.
“Why?” “Because we said so!”
A family meeting later and the lines of communication have cleared, yet celebrating Halloween seems a premature reward for actions yet to be seen as changed. As Gilda Radna so eloquently reported so many times, “Well Jane, it's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another thing, but it's always something."
I’m having one of those weeks. The weather stinks, my house is a mess, and I need a day off. Why does Halloween have to come this week, a week of torture in which perimenopausal can relate.
“I’m puffy, I don’t have a costume ‘cause none of my clothes fit, my dog is a jerk, my kids are fresh, my husband works too much, my computer is slow, and I have cramps!
My teeny, little, teeny, weenie daughter is getting dressed to trick or treat as a ‘Go-Go Hobo Girl’. And my other daughter - who used to be little, teeny, weenie, but now she’s a real teen - is wearing leopard pants, leg warmers, and a Cindi Lauper hairdo.
I don’t want walk up to houses where people are all happy and pass out cute little bags of cute little bitsy homemade candies.
I’m having hot flashes, I’m sweating, and I don’t want to play!”
Wait a minute. The kids are hoping that mom and dad stay home to pass out candy while they frolic the streets with their friends. They’ve been begging to trick-or-treat in nearby neighborhoods where hundreds of jack-o-lanterns light windows. Their desire is to fill their pillow cases with candy that they’ll devour until they can consume no more.
“Booo!”
A brisk walk through the neighborhood - and a chocolate bar - would do me some good tonight. Besides, tomorrow it will be something else. For sure, it’s always something.
“Wait up, kids!”
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach chronicles the ‘chaotic joys’ of parenthood. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, October 16th, 2009
Published in The Wareham Observer, October 15, 2009
Notes from Momma's Journal: Happy New Year to Me
At our house, the kids have finally adjusted to earlier bed times and their school routines and activities. The logs in the wood burner are afire and the crock-pot on the kitchen counter has been working overtime. And just as it happens every fall, Mom is soon to be a year older.
My mother, sister, and I were all born in October. I have fond memories of growing up in a small apartment filled with large amounts of food, family, and friends for weeks on end. October was birthday month, party month!
My mother died nine years ago but my sister and I still celebrate our birthdays by sharing special memories, funny stories, and yes, solemn thoughts. You know, the “what if, why, and if only” sentiments that linger after the loss of a loved one. They’ll probably never go away, but neither will the times we shared. And so, the laughs and tears live on. (I’m sure my mother is smiling during our reflection and story telling sessions, especially when we’re reminiscing with her sisters and my daughters.)
“Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?” is a question my children used to ask me on my birthday. I’d answer with something like this:
“Besides being a mom for the rest of my life, I’d like to be a lot of other important things – like a columnist, teacher, grandmother, an award winning chef, and a marathon runner. But for now, I am enjoying being a student. I can’t wait to learn, really learn this time, about: anatomy, geometry, social studies, and science. And I am anxious to re-read “Little Women”. Then there will be Midol, first dates, braces, driving school, dances and Proms. And yes, chaperoning. Lots of chaperoning.”
My daughters haven’t asked me that question in a few years. Perhaps they think I’m too old to grow or that I’ve become frustrated with their difficult homework assignments. My guess is they don’t want to hear another sermon. Silly girls. Asked the same question today, I’d answer:
“Today is the first day of the rest of my life! What better time to evaluate my interests and strengths; my and weakness and faults?”
During my 48th year, I resolve (in no particular order) to:
* Add spontaneity to my routines.
* Yell at my kids (only) when they need be reprimanded, and hug them (even) when they need not be hugged.
* Plan a once weekly date night with my husband.
* Take the time to read a good novel.
* Learn to live more with less.
* Reach out and touch those in my thoughts.
* Cook no more than two crock-pot meals per week.
* Talk to my children even when it seems they are not listening.
* Be a role model and show my daughters the true meanings of family and friendship, sincerity and compassion.
* Laugh if all else says cry.
* Study the subjects my children are having difficulty with in school.
* Continue to make wishes upon stars and send prayers to my Guardian Angels.
* Learn to go with the flow when the tide unexpectedly turns.
* Believe in myself, always.
Wish me luck!
“Life is my college. May I graduate well and earn some honors.”
- Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888)
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach chronicles the “chaotic joys” of life. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, September 25, 2009
Momma's Journal: Soccer Hurdles
Duffle bag - filled with juice boxes, cheese crackers, peanut butter sandwiches, water bottles, grocery circulars, a notebook and pen, sweatshirts, bug spray, cell phone, sunscreen, umbrella, and first aid kit is packed in the back of my car.
Youngest daughter - clad in her team soccer shirt, black shorts, shin pads, knee socks and cleats - is waiting patiently in the back seat of the car.
Oldest daughter - wearing black shorts and layered tank tops, is busy stuffing her soccer gear into the duffle bag in the trunk of the car.
Mother – wearing thermal tee, sweatpants, white socks, and running shoes - is rushing to get the show on the road. First stop, Dunkin' Donuts on Meetinghouse Road.
“Oh no! Look at the traffic!”
Now that my 5th grader has fallen in love with soccer, odds are good that we’ll be spending the next six or seven Saturday mornings at the soccer fields at Bourne Middle School. And now that my 7th grader has decided she wants to give soccer another try, odds are great that we’ll be spending Saturday afternoons there too. And after spending the past few weeks in traffic related to the bridge work on Sagamore Bridge, I wish I didn’t have to drive my daughters to soccer games (and practice) at fields across the Canal.
Soccer is a great spectator sport, especially on clear, crisp, fall afternoons. However, it’s not much fun being an onlooker sitting on the soggy sidelines, praying for the sight of a game-stopping streak of lightening in the horizon. And it’s still less fun arriving at the field after fighting traffic for 55 minutes (when it should have taken about eight minutes to get there).
I’m slowly learning the rules of the game, but I’ve quickly discovered that the soccer field is a perfect place to chat about school happenings, the high price of groceries, and the exact time it took for fellow families to cross – or to avoid - Sagamore Bridge/traffic.
In our pre-soccer days, my daughters spent many an hour learning the basics of swimming and gymnastics, and even more time singing and dancing. Call me a “drama mom.”
I have friends with children who spend oodles of time at hockey rinks. Dare we call them “hockey moms”? And the mothers of football players or cheerleaders, can we call them “football moms”? What about basketball? Are they called “hoop moms”?
Perhaps. But for the record, we’re best known as “Soccer Moms”.
During the 1996 Presidential campaign, the phrase “soccer mom” came into widespread use when the Clinton administration strategically targeted their campaign efforts toward married, middle class, suburban mothers of busy school-aged children. The soccer moms.
Yep. I’m a soccer mom; not at all excited to sit in Sagamore Bridge work related traffic to go to work, do errands, or get my kids to scheduled events on time. And what about our kids who cross bridges to get to school? Bourne students can’t be granted half school days for all the Fridays to come in the Sagamore Bridge project, like this Friday’s half day dismissal in honor of the Scallop Fest traffic. (Our kids are excitingly calling it “Scallop Fest Traffic Day”.)
From what I’ve read this week, the Corps of Engineers is (now, finally) willing to open lanes on the bridge to accommodate heavy Friday and Sunday traffic for the next few weeks.
And then comes Saturday? Has everyone forgotten about the need for locals to do business on Saturdays?
“Come on, kids. In addition to the Scallop Festival in Buzzards Bay this weekend, there’s a football game at MMA on Saturday. That means both bridges – and everything in between – will be backed up. Call your Coaches and tell them we’re on our way!”
”But, Mom. It’s only Friday!”
Find Jean Lanahan of Bourne online at www.jeanlanahan.com. Find her book, “Enchanted Whispers: Wit & Wisdom from the Mouths of Babes (and Momma too)” at Amazon.com.
Published in The Wareham Observer, September 10, 2009;
The Bourne Enterprise, September 11, 2009
Momma’s Journal: First Daze of School
“Bye Mom,” my oldest says as she bounces out of the car to join her 7th grade friends on the school bus.
“See you in awhile Mom,” my youngest says nervously, as she sneaks me a quick kiss, adjusts her heavy 5th grade backpack, and rushes to meet her sister at the crosswalk. She turns to look at me, and gives me a bashful smile.
I can’t help but muse over my experiences during the first week of school. Every year it was the same routine…..new sneakers, a clean haircut, crisp jeans, and a stomach filled with nerves. When I was in grammar school we didn’t have fancy backpacks and water bottles. We held our brown paper bag covered books in our arms and pencils and a bagged lunch in our pockets.
Was I nervous on the first days of school? Yes, but do I need to share all the details with my youngest daughter, Jackie, on this very morning. Not totally. Instead I inflated stories about me and my friends walking miles to school, carrying a heavy load of books and a peanut butter sandwich. But mostly, I shared how proud I was to have (another) daughter growing into such a lovely young lady. Yikes! Silently, I wiped my tears.
And about entering 7th grade, I didn’t want to share with my oldest how hard it was for me to board the Junior High School bus. (Middle school for me was 7th to 9th grade, Junior High School; the merging of three large grammar schools.) Elizabeth wasn’t too nervous for she already knew so many of her classmates. She’s got two years of middle school under her belt and knows her way around the school and the rules on the bus. She can find the bathrooms and knows when to ask permission to go to her locker for supplies. Liz knows what ‘first and second waves’ of afternoon dismissal means. She knows what to expect in homeroom and the logistics of changing classrooms throughout the day.
Yep, Liz knows the rhythm of the day; her younger sister knows nothing about what to expect in the big, strange, middle school.
While waiting for the bus to arrive, Liz reminded her younger sister about the lines at lunch and what - and what not – to choose to eat. She told Jackie that BMS is nothing like Hoxie where teachers ‘baby’ you. “At BMS you’re expected to know what to do and where to go, but if you get lost or anything, there’s always people around to ask. Don’t be scared, Jackie. You’ll get used to it.”
“Great,” Jackie replied timidly.
I kept both my fears and excitement to myself. What a time for our school aged children; a time of endings and beginnings. Out with the old and in with the new. The opening of new doors, new friendships and new experience for our youngsters.
The closing of the school bus doors. Breathe. Wave. Head home to prioritize the Fall projects this mom has on her list.
The start of a new day! So much to do; so little time to do it. But first, one little email needs be sent to 5th grade BMS teachers. (Hey, what good mother wouldn’t introduce herself to her kids’ teachers during the first week of school?)
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach chronicles the ‘chaotic joys’ of family life. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com.
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, August 5, 2009; in The Wareham Observer, July 30, 2009
Momma's Journal: What a Difference a Year Makes
Last year at this time, my garden was flourishing, producing huge amounts of scrumptious veggies and fruits. This year, our family is lucky if we’ve shared seven zucchinis, one cucumber, and half of a green tomato.
Last year at this time, my youngest daughter asked me to hold her hand while walking into camp. I was expected to stay by her side until the counselor announced, “All campers inside”. This year, she asked me to, inconspicuously of course, drop her off at the far end of the camp’s playground.
At this time last year, we had already spent countless sunny days at the beach. This year, I am without a tan. On the rare beach days so far this summer, I’ve been busy with work or with driving the kids to their friends’ favorite beaches.
Last year at this time, I went to the beauty parlor every 8 weeks or so to have my hair colored. This year, my hair is in need of ‘a touch up’ in half of that time.
Last year at this time, we hired babysitters to watch our daughters. This year, my oldest baby-sits and my youngest gets paid for walking a dog named Pickles.
At this time last year, we celebrated life with one of my husband’s closet pals, Bob Lowe, an 85 year old legend from Bourne. Today we’re mourning the loss of the strongest, gentlest, most generous and courageous man we’ve been blessed to know.
During this past year, I missed opportunities to spend quality time with Bob and discover more about his life – his adventures and mishaps; his goals and accomplishments. Oh, the many things Bob, an extraordinary man, had to share. He was as full of knowledge as he was of questions; as interested in learning as he was with sharing his insights. You name the topic and he had an interest, and usually a whole lot of experience – fishing, gardening, and boating were just a few of his favorite pastimes.
Today we’ll spend time with Bob’s loving children and family - including his 17 grandchildren and 14 great-grandchildren - to celebrate his life. To know Bob was to love Bob. To love Bob was to know Bob. When in Bob’s presence, love and life and friendship became one.
With a tear in my eye and a tickle in my heart, I’m reminded of how vital it is to take time to do what’s important, today, for who knows what tomorrow will bring…….
“I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I’m here than a truck load when I’m gone.” - Anonymous
Jean Lanahan of Bourne chronicles the ‘chaotic joys’ of family life. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Wareham Observer, July 23, 2009; in The Bourne Enterprise, July 31, 2009
Momma Jean’s Journal: Helpful Kids
I was reading an article the other day that had to do with how and when (and why) children should partake in household chores.
A mother of a 9 year old girl talked of when her daughter, willingly, picked up a broom to help her frantic mom sweep before company was arriving. After that, the young girl, cheerfully, refilled the empty paper towel holder.
The mother in the article mentioned how so proud she was that her daughter helped with household chores. “Beautifully” was her description of her daughter’s ability to maneuver a dustpan and broom. “Competent and helpful” was how the way she described her daughter’s paper towel changing actions. Because this mother never forced her daughter to do chores, she attributed the young girl’s actions to being “morphed into a helpful being overnight”.
Are you kidding me? Kids need be taught – and should be expected – to do their share of household chores. My guess is that the above mentioned mom purchased Webkinz for her daughter, one for each of the chores she accomplished. Or perhaps the child’s behavior was rewarded with superfluous praise and or money.
Thankfully, this article noted a single mother of six children who expected her children, starting at young ages, to pitch in with daily household chores. She said that by the time her kids were teens, if their clothes weren’t clean, it was no fault of hers. I bet this mother’s motto is “she who made the mess is the one responsible for cleaning it up”. Sounds like something I’ve said many times.
Formal chore’s lists are a start to delegating chores, but in every busy household “dirty jobs” arise by the minute. At our house, a sink full of dishes means someone has to do them. “Eenie, meenie, miney, mo”… who didn’t do them yet today? At our house, a basket full of clean clothes gets placed next to whoever is idle during primetime television shows. Could I, a laundry-washing-sorting-folding machine, get the job done quicker by myself? Yes. But do I choose to do it all by my lonesome every night? Absolutely not. Matched socks are a team effort around here. But if the dog makes another mess tonight.... “I hosie it’s not my turn!”
Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, said that plans should be put in place; parents and children both benefit when everyone pitches in to help around the house. “As children of all ages become more capable and self-sufficient, their confidence and perception of self improves and – the best news – they are more willing to take on additional new tasks in the future.” Look up Positive Parenting on the internet. It’s a huge topic - and big business too. You can take online classes, read blogs, hire a Coach, and buy books or tapes and coffee mugs. (I added the last few items because if they’re good marketers, surely there’s an online store someplace on their website.)
Here’s my take on Positive Parenting:
Positive Parenting encourages parents to grow – listen, learn, and teach. It’s about guiding our children to do more for themselves, gaining confidence, enthusiasm, and aptitude along the way. Positive parenting is an evolving process through which parents develop their own parenting techniques, adjusting them based on our child’s needs and skills. Positive parenting is a shift from fear based to love based parenting. It means beginning and ending our days with respect. If we start here, everything else will fall into place. Positively!
Jean Lanahan of Bourne, author of “Enchanted Whispers: Wit & Wisdom from the Mouths of Babes (and Momma too).” Order the book at www.jeanlanahan.com or Amazon.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, July 17, 2009
Notes from Momma’s Journal: Calling All Parents
If I could email or text message all guardians of preteens/teens (middle school aged kids), that’s what I’d be doing right now. But since that’s not feasible or possible, here’s my best attempt to reach out and touch.
If you’ve followed my writings, you’d know how I feel about kids and cell phones. Sure, there are times when our youngsters need them for safety reasons. But as our children mature, they develop stronger bonds with their peers – and with the internet – which means, unfortunately, they are potentially exposed to people and places parents hardly know.
I doubt that any of our 13 year olds are listening to the likes of, say, groups that we listened to – my favorites were Donny & Marie and The Jackson Five. Nor are they watching YouTube videos of Annie singing “Tomorrow”. Instead, they’re busy memorizing the lyrics of catchy tunes where girls kiss girls before they blame their actions on the ah-ah ah-ah ah-al-co-hol. (If you’re not familiar with these popular songs, goggle the lyrics to Katy Perry’s song, I Kissed a Girl; Jamie Foxx’s release, Blame it on the Alcohol. You’ll get the drift.)
Had I known that my daughter’s cell phone would become a fixed appendage to her hand, I never would have given her one for her 12th birthday. Teenaged kids - my daughter and her friends included - think that there’s nothing wrong with being connect 24 hours a day. And until recently, a few kids we know and love had little or no restrictions placed upon their phone and internet use… and then something happened. Inappropriate things were discovered on their phones, IM’s, or internet usage.
As parents, we are our children’s role models; their rule makers and reward givers. We act, they follow. Say or do something dumb in front of your kids and you are sure to see and hear it, verbatim, over and over again. With regards to our actions on the computer or cell phone, remember – you know who is watching and listening. Do we spend too much time connected? Has our social circle crumbled because there’s no need to talk face to face anymore? Are our children becoming walking zombies, feel most comfortable interacting with cyberspace creatures? Has your child exceeded their allotted text message units or cell phone minutes? Have they begun to speak in SMS language (cell phone and messaging format)? Are they pale, too skinny or too chubby and prefer staying inside with their toys than romping about enjoying the great outdoors?
Wait a minute. I thought having a cell phone or computer was a privilege!??
We’re all creatures of habit. The onset of summer is the perfect time to make change. At our house, stricter “usage” guidelines have been set - and I’m committed to doing a better job of monitoring what my kids are saying and viewing online. It’s still new to me but I’m determined to learn. Setting parental controls on a computer is not all that difficult. And cell phone carriers will gladly charge you and extra few dollars per month for added parental controls or other safety related services. “And kids, if you come to our house for a sleepover, beware, cell phones get shut off at 10 at night.”
I’m all about freedom of speech. But as a parent, I’m more about staying one step ahead. I hope that you are too.
”Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach is a mom, entrepreneur, and author. In her spare time, she chronicles the “chaotic joys” of life. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Wareham Observer, July 16, 2009; in The Bourne Enterprise, ........
Notes from Momma Jean’s Journal: Lost and Found Treasure
“But Mom, I definitely put it in my pocketbook.”
“Well, Jackie, obviously you didn’t, because it’s not there now.”
“I did Mom. I know I did. Where could it have gone? Do you think someone reached into my purse and stole it?”
“No, Jackie. I think you misplaced it.”
And so the search for Jackie’s wallet began.
We turned her pocketbook inside out, only to find a few spare coins, six tubes of lip gloss, a comb, two tokens from Ryan Family Amusement, and some lint balls.
We searched the car – under seats, in the glove box, even in the trunk. No wallet.
We went back to the Cape Cod Factory Outlet Mall in Bourne, parked in the same parking spot we were in a few hours prior, and retraced our steps.
First stop, the ladies room. No purse there.
Second stop, Super Nail Salon where I redeemed a gift certificate that I’d been carrying around for months. No sign of Jackie’s wallet there.
Third stop, Carter’s where the sales girl told us she hadn’t come across a stray wallet.
Fourth checkpoint, OshKosh B’Gosh. No sign of her lost treasure there either.
Final stop, the Caboose, a shop in the middle of the mall, and the home for Lost and Found. Jackie definitely had her wallet in that area there because that’s where she bought herself a Chocolate Éclair. We perused the area where she disposed of her ice cream wrapper and chatted with the young man working the cash register. He suggested that we call back the next morning to inquire if the night janitor should find the missing wallet. I tried to tell him how special this wallet was to my daughter, but Jackie’s look of distress said it all. Jackie’s wallet not only had sentimental value – Missy, one of her best buddies, gave it to Jackie for her 9th birthday - it also contained $26 in cash and a Claire’s gift card with a balance of $7.28. To a young girl, that’s equates to lots of nail polish and ice cream sandwiches.
The next morning finally came. Instead of calling to find if the missing wallet had been recovered, we took a drive to the Mall. First stop, the Caboose.
“Hi. My name is Jackie. I lost my wallet at this mall yesterday and was wondering if anyone found it and turned it in,” Jackie said to the woman reading the morning newspaper.
“What color is the wallet, Jackie?”
“It’s purple, fuzzy, with a monkey face sewn on it.”
“What’s inside of the wallet, Jackie.”
“A CSI card from Chuck E. Cheese with my picture on it, two ten dollar bills, six one dollar bills, a few coins, and a Claire’s gift card that still has money on it.”
“Is this your wallet, Jackie?” the woman asked, holding Jackie’s fuzzy wallet.
“Yes! Thank you for finding it!”
We were told that a Rainbow Chinese Kitchen employee found the wallet and turned it in to Lost and Found.
“It’s nice to know that people are honest, Mom.”
“It sure is, Jackie. How about Chinese food for lunch today?”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll even pay - for some of it,” Jackie added as she recounted her money. “Here’s three dollars, Mom. I’m saving my money to buy an IPhone.”
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach is the author of “Enchanted Whispers: Wit & Wisdom from the Mouths of Babes (and Momma too)”. Preview the book online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, July......
Published in The Wareham Observer, July 2, 2009
Momma Jean’s Journal: Kick the Habit
If anyone is heading towards Washington, D.C., or Reading, Pennsylvania this summer, please contact me prior to your trip.
Via the media, two men spend as much time in our living room as does my husband. First, we are interested in everything President Obama does and says; when he’s in the news, we’re tuned in. (Besides, Barach Obama and I have much in common: we were born in the same year, we’re parents of tween daughters, and we’ve both been accused of smoking cigarettes in the closet.)
The second person I’d like to chat with is Jon Gosslin. My youngest daughter, Jackie, is a huge fan of the show, “Jon and Kate Plus 8”, which means we see at least two episodes of the show every day. (The only thing that Jon and I have in common is that he, too, has been spotted hiding behind a tree in his backyard sporting a lit cigarette in his lips.)
I’m not starting rumors here. If you’ve watched the news or read recent newspaper/tabloids, you’d know that both President Obama and Jon Gosslin (secretly) smoke cigarettes.
According to AOL News, Jon nearly got kicked off a soccer team because of his habit. And reporters are yearning to expose when, where, and what brand of cigarettes the President smokes. Mr. Obama has even been accused by vicious media of offering to take the family pet, Bo, on his final walk of the day, so that the President can get his nighttime nicotine fix.
From what I’ve read of President Obama’s and Jon Gosslin’s smoking habits, it’s easy to imagine them as my teenaged cousins who would meet me behind the shed at family gatherings to share a cigarette or two. Of course we became addicted, not intentionally, but just as cigarette manufacturers had planned.
On and off for the past 30 years, smoking was something I totally enjoyed. Once I had children, I put on my sneaky hat, longing to light-up after the kids went off to school or camp. A midday puff of a cigarette behind the chicken coupe ensured me some peace and quiet, some me time that I’d never find in our busy house.
But my favorite time to smoke was in the evening when my creative juices flowed. I’ll admit it – smoking helped me write many an article, and even a book. Notice the past tense. …
Here’s the scoop. With the rising cost of cigarettes, plus keeping up with hand sanitizing, breathe freshening, car de-stinking, and finding lighters I’d strategically hidden the night before, I began losing interest. Smoking was no fun anymore. Growing pressure from my inquisitive daughters wondering why I constantly smelled liked a barbeque gone bad, perhaps, was the icing on the cake. It was time to quit smoking which I proudly did some 3 months ago! Hypnosis worked for me.
Now, like every reformed person, I have a message to share.
If you’re ready to quit smoking, think of yourself as a nonsmoker and amazing things can happen. If you live in Southeastern Massachusetts and you’re ready to clear your mind of smoke, contact me and I’ll share the name of the woman who helped me to become smoke free.
If you should run into President Obama or Jon Gosslin, tell them the same. It may be worth vacationing in our area this year. Perhaps they’d even have a chance to meet Sandy at Gentle Current Hypnosis and Healing.
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach can be found online at www.jeanlanahan.com.
Published in The Wareham Observer, June 25, 2009
Notes from Momma Jean’s Journal: Blame it on the Weather
I’m not one to complain but as weather would have it, that’s what I’m doing. It’s not me that I’m overly concerned about, it’s my family, my sun worshipping family. They’re distraught, downright flustered these days.
Despite the weather, my oldest daughter, the swimmer of the family, is still insistent upon visiting the beach and dunking in the water. Isn’t that what summer is all about? Warming your body in the sun and then cooling off in the sea. Liz always thought so. Only a mother could identify the disappointment in her daughter’s swimming strokes. I blame her lack of enthusiasm on the weather.
My youngest daughter is involved with the Learn to Sail program hosted by the Bourne Community Boating Association. With a rare summertime Northeaster nearby, the ferocious seas haven’t been inviting to first time sailors. So far, they’ve learned to play Shipwreck and the Human Knot. Jackie and her sailing mate, Jess, don’t like playing the game Blob Tag, saying that it’s boring and that the boys just try to chase them. That too, I’ll blame on the weather.
As for my husband, he’s definitely one of those people who needs to soak in the rays of the sun. I’ve been encouraging him to take increased doses of Vitamin D to compensate for lack of sunshine, but by the sullen look on his face, I don’t believe he’s taken my advice. When he gets home from work, he can’t help but turn on every light and light a fire. And I am on constant thermostat alert readjusting the thermostat that Tom’s been altering.
“Tom, it’s June for goodness sake!” I yell.
“Who cares! I’m cold,” Tom screams back.
“Don’t blame me. Blame the weather!”
As for me, I’m just plain disappointed in the dreary weather of late. I’m sick of the rain and tired of looking at dark skies. The garden I spent months nurturing seeds into seedlings, seedlings to mini plants, looks like a swamp. Forget about trying to get the humidity out of my damp house which is beginning to smell like our wet black lab. Oh well. Blame it on the weather.
As a home body, I manage to keep myself while it’s been too wet or dreary to go outdoors. But truth of the matter is that I’m tired of cooking casseroles and moving junk around in the attic. I’ve organized the cellar with trillions of trinkets to sell in our yard sale, on a sunny day that is. My closet is as organized as it’s ever going to get. Many an hour has been spent cleaning and going through four seasons of clothes (and three sizes of clothing – those that fit, those that once fit – those that will never, ever fit again) while watching the Food Network channel and taking notes for that night’s feast.
If only I could fit into the fashionable summer articles hanging in my closet. Oh well. My warm and fuzzy fleece jacket fits just fine. Blame it on the weather.
Find Jean Lanahan of Bourne online at www.Jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Wareham Observer, June 18, 2009
Sent to The Bourne Enterprise (July)
Notes from Momma’s Journal: Calling All Parents
If I could email or text message all guardians of preteens/teens (middle school aged kids), that’s what I’d be doing right now. But since that’s not feasible or possible, here’s my best attempt to reach out and touch.
If you’ve followed my writings, you’d know how I feel about kids and cell phones. Sure, there are times when our youngsters need them for safety reasons. But as our children mature, they develop stronger bonds with their peers – and with the internet – which means, unfortunately, they are potentially exposed to people and places parents hardly know.
I doubt that any of our 13 year olds are listening to the likes of, say, groups that we listened to – my favorites were Donny & Marie and The Jackson Five. Nor are they watching YouTube videos of Annie singing “Tomorrow”. Instead, they’re busy memorizing the lyrics of catchy tunes where girls kiss girls before they blame their actions on the ah-ah ah-ah ah-al-co-hol. (If you’re not familiar with these popular songs, goggle the lyrics to Katy Perry’s song, I Kissed a Girl; Jamie Foxx’s release, Blame it on the Alcohol. You’ll get the drift.)
Had I known that my daughter’s cell phone would become a fixed appendage to her hand, I never would have given her one for her 12th birthday. Teenaged kids - my daughter and her friends included - think that there’s nothing wrong with being connect 24 hours a day. And until recently, a few kids we know and love had little or no restrictions placed upon their phone and internet use… and then something happened. Inappropriate things were discovered on their phones, IM’s, or internet usage.
As parents, we are our children’s role models; their rule makers and reward givers. We act, they follow. Say or do something dumb in front of your kids and you are sure to see and hear it, verbatim, over and over again. With regards to our actions on the computer or cell phone, remember – you know who is watching and listening. Do we spend too much time connected? Has our social circle crumbled because there’s no need to talk face to face anymore? Are our children becoming walking zombies, feel most comfortable interacting with cyberspace creatures? Has your child exceeded their allotted text message units or cell phone minutes? Have they begun to speak in SMS language (cell phone and messaging format)? Are they pale, too skinny or too chubby and prefer staying inside with their toys than romping about enjoying the great outdoors?
Wait a minute. I thought having a cell phone or computer was a privilege!??
We’re all creatures of habit. The onset of summer is the perfect time to make change. At our house, stricter “usage” guidelines have been set - and I’m committed to doing a better job of monitoring what my kids are saying and viewing online. It’s still new to me but I’m determined to learn. Setting parental controls on a computer is not all that difficult. And cell phone carriers will gladly charge you and extra few dollars per month for added parental controls or other safety related services. “And kids, if you come to our house for a sleepover, beware, cell phones get shut off at 10 at night.”
I’m all about freedom of speech. But as a parent, I’m more about staying one step ahead. I hope that you are too.
”Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach is a mom, entrepreneur, and author. In her spare time, she chronicles the “chaotic joys” of life. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Bourne Enterprise, June….
Published in The Wareham Observer, June….
Notes from Momma’s Journal: Countdown to Summer
Oh my. Less than a handful of school days before our little cherubs start celebrating their long, overdue, summer vacation. Poor little darlings. They’ve had to suffer through 180 days of school this year and they are so ready for a vacation.
It’s hard for our children to imagine that German children are in school for 220 days, and Japanese kids, for 243 days a year. American kids, however, have other things on their minds right now. Swimming. Beaching. Pajama parties. Sleeping late. Hanging out. (That’s a whole lot of jolly time for parents to chaperone these next few months.)
Wouldn’t it be great if we could quit our jobs – both in and/or out of the house - and give ourselves the right to sleep late and hang out all summer long at our favorite places with our best buddies? To go back in time, to a place that was simpler. To spend each waking moment frolicking through sunny times. No pressure. No commitments. And then we, the parents, wake from the dream.
One of my favorite places is the beach, my place to sit and do nothing, guiltlessly. I’m not a television fanatic. Should my family find me on the couch watching daytime television, they’d probably dial 911. And never do I take the time to sit in my backyard and watch the birds for hours on end. Too many weeds to pick or too much laundry to hang. And yet, lounging seaside with a tall iced coffee, good company, and a great novel is my idea of fun.
I admit to rushing through my workload so that I can spend a few hours every afternoon at Sagamore Beach, listening to the hush of the changing tides. My ten year old daughter will be busy with sailing lessons for the first half of the days this summer. We haven’t finalized my thirteen year old daughter’s Camp/Social plans yet (that’s a heated topic for another day), but we will do so promptly. Too many hours in the long days of summer for preteens to be idle. So many hours for mother and daughters to bond – at the beach - and compare summer reading notes.
This summer I am going to do my best to relax - live the moment, learn what ‘hanging out’ is all about, and set quality time to spend as a family. Will my daughters enjoy beaching it with dear old mom? I hope so. If not, there’s always summer school - or transfer student programs.
Last one to the beach is a rotten egg!
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach chronicles the ‘chaotic joys’ of Motherhood. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Wareham Observer, May 20, 2009;
The Bourne Enterprise, May 29, 2009
Notes from Momma’s Journal: Another Op'nin', Another Show……
It’s time to clip fragrant lilacs and take long walks along the canal. Baseball fields have been groomed and spring soccer, lacrosse, and softball games are in full swing. It’s the season for dance recitals and end of the year school productions. Parents of school aged children are busy, running from sporting events to auditoriums to see their shining stars perform.
For the past four years, one (or the other) of my daughters has been involved in the All-Star Revue, a (grammar school) musical production under the direction of Mary Murphy, Bourne’s renowned high school drama coach. The inception of the ASR was some fifteen years ago when Mary convinced Donald Morrissey, Principal of Peebles Elementary School in Bourne, to give her a chance to introduce third and fourth graders to a world of musicals.
And so the All-Star Revue legacy began. Mary has since captivated the hearts of young entertainers. She ignites their passion about singing, dancing, and performing at a young age. By the time they reach high school, they’re confident performers with intricate knowledge of the back stage logistics of putting a production together. For sure, Mary has mentored many of Bourne’s finest students towards careers as performers, singers, directors, writers, or choreographers.
This past weekend, nearly 100 grade school students from three Bourne grammar schools performed in the 2009 All-Star Revue. Involvement is voluntary, but once the kids sign on, they are encouraged to shed their stage fright, to give every song and dance step their all.
Thinking back to when my youngest was four years old, we were at Jackie’s dance recital, backstage, behind the heavy black curtain of stardom. Jackie was holding my hand, gripping it actually, begging for me to take her home. Suddenly, the music started and her group began tapping their feet. She squeezed my hand harder at the exact moment the backstage mom pushed me along, onto the stage where I was forced to march to the beat of M-I-C-K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E with seven little beauties clad in leotards and tap shoes. Why were the kids looking towards me for guidance? I didn’t know the next moves. I wasn’t even wearing tap shoes! For sure, I thought that would be Jackie’s one and only onstage debut. I was wrong.
Last year when Jackie was in the 3rd grade, she opted to join the All-Star Revue. She tried out for every part, every solo. Thankfully, she got a singing solo (two lines) which encouraged her to memorize everyone’s lines - just in case a fellow cast member should fall ill and need her to fill their shoes. As a 4th grader this year, once again she memorized her songs, dance moves, and speaking parts, and come show time, performed them effortlessly in front of enthusiastic audiences. Watching my baby sing and dance with such confidence, I was in awe.
I’m still amazed that I didn’t hear one complaint from Jackie these past few weeks about the heavy work load of being a performer – getting home from rehearsal in time to do homework, eat dinner, bathe, and hit the pillow. Now that I think of it, when my oldest daughter was involved with the show, Liz didn’t complain either. They both enjoyed making new friends and being a part of an ‘Off Broadway’ production. From learning random dance steps and reading music sheets to perfectly choreographed acts, making introductions and auditioning to a full scale musical production performed in front of a real, live, audience. Besides watching themselves perform on Cable TV, what could be more exciting for these 3rd and 4th grade kids?
And about the behind the scenes work that, miraculously, gets done by Angels, a.k.a. Bourne PTA, sponsors of the All-Star Revue. They’re all about the kids – their safety, growth, well being, and well roundedness. Parents, teachers, and volunteers responsible for the opening of the ASR curtains should be proud of their efforts - almost as proud as they are of our children, our little All Stars.
Jean Lanahan of Bourne chronicles the ‘chaotic joys’ of motherhood. Find her online at www.jeanlanahan.com
Published in The Wareham Observer, May 7, 2009; The Bourne Enterprise, May 8, 2009
Notes from Momma’s Journal: Virtual Questions
Every parent I know is concerned. We’re trying to decide how much is harmless, and what and how much is harmful, downright dangerous, for our teens and preteens who are “connected” to their phones or the internet so many hours a day. I surely have lots of questions.
What are they viewing or listening to?
Who are our kids chatting with?
What are they saying?
How much (private) information are they sharing about themselves?
Why aren’t kids expected to unplug at bedtime?
And since when has talking on the phone - in public places or when you’re engaged in something else (with someone else) - become so acceptable?
Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t get the obsession our kids have with being connected to their phones or the internet, 24/7. Multitasking is one thing, but being rude or obsessive is something else.
As a teen, I remember sitting on the couch next to the end table that housed a rotary telephone, begging my sister to hurry along, because I was expecting a call. Imagine waiting for a phone call. Our kids wouldn’t hear of it. Rarely do they use the land line and should they make unanswered cellphone calls, they follow up with text messages, more text messages, and more text messages. Talk about the need for instant gratification.
And there’s no need for kids to converse anymore. Not in the real sense anyway. “Hey. What’s up? Want to hang out?” seems to say it all these days. I’ve witnessed kids hanging out, quietly, while their fingers are busy texting everyone else on their contact lists. If that’s what hanging out is all about, why bother? A game of solitaire would be more fun.
When my children were younger, I worried about their learning the meanings of compassion, safety, respect, and kindness. I worried about grammar school cliques and bullies. All the while, I hoped and prayed that they had would stand tall when knowing the right answer; stand firm when arguing for the crowd; stand straight when taking responsibility for their actions; and run away from the crowd when they’re heading up the wrong path.
Now that my oldest daughter is nearly thirteen, I still worry about those things, more than ever actually. It’s natural for our teens to look towards their peers for advice – and their acceptance – which scares me to death because kids speak/text in a language we hardly know. And who are they talking to anyway? A cyberspace stranger or one of their many BFFL’s?
Technology provides a way for kids to do or say things that they may never do or say in person. Sad but true which means they need to understand that anything sent via the computer or cell phone can be misinterpreted, altered, or shared. We’ve all heard the horror stories associated with sexting. OMG! Let’s hope our children learned by other’s mistakes – images presented online can be your image for life!
And then there’s cyberbullying. This has taken bullying to the highest level, allowing texters to be mean, anonymously. They won’t get ‘punched back’ by peers or punished by parents or teachers. These (wimpy) texters can simply type a comment or post photos whenever the mood arises. (I was excited to see an event scheduled for parents, “Bullying and Cyberbullying” to be held at Bourne Middle School next week. I’m sure it will be well attended.)
Parents are advised to keep tabs on our kids’ contacts and websites they frequent. “Keep the computer in a common place, like the kitchen or living room” is another piece of advice we are given. We’re told to set time limits, set parental controls, ask questions, and stay educated.
Let’s fact it - social networking is not going away. Networking via the internet is the way of the times. It’s powerful and influential and growing stronger every day. Lecturing our kids doesn’t work but asking for their help – perhaps in setting up your own social profile - could bring parents and teens closer together.
Jean Lanahan of Sagamore Beach, author of Enchanted Whispers: Wit & Wisdom from the Mouths of Babes (and Momma Too) www.jeanlanahan.com
Thank you for visiting this website.
Have a great day!
Jean Lanahan.
